


A Selfish Entry Fee

by Timpini



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Also Riku is in an apron at one point, Comfort, I inserted TWEWY because I am trash, M/M, Soriku Secret Easter Bunny Fic, did you expect less?, in canon verse, post kh3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-21
Updated: 2019-04-21
Packaged: 2020-01-23 05:28:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18543223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Timpini/pseuds/Timpini
Summary: Did he really think Riku wouldn’t notice that though? He shook his head and let his arms drop and he leaned away from Sora. In response, his eyes blinked away the anger and it quickly turned into familiar confusion.“What?” And Riku couldn’t do this, couldn’t stand here and have this argument with Sora because he knew it was going to either get too loud or too awkward. He pulled away and began to head for the training area.“Sora, you don’t believe that…” He walked and nearly cringed at how loud the door creaked in Yen Sid’s castle, but he continued towards the training area where he knew Aqua would be waiting for him. Riku didn’t look back to see Sora’s reaction.Later, he would hear the nagging finally get to him that he really should have.Or the AU where Sora learns why it's okay to do something not necessarily good and Riku comforts a Sora with nightmares and sickness.





	A Selfish Entry Fee

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Sailor_Toni](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sailor_Toni/gifts).



> Author’s Notes: This is probably a lot of creative freedom on the prompt I had received for this Soriku Easter Event to be honest. It was also an emotional roller coaster trying to get this out there. No words can describe my love and appreciation to @Merlicious for assisting me at 1 in the morning while singing the theme to Beverly Hills Chihuahua. It was surreal. Without her it wouldn’t exist or have been finished on time. 
> 
> Other shout outs include the RumChata I drank to get half the word count of this done in 40 minutes. Wish that could’ve kept up all the way through. However as Kingdom Hearts has shown, friendship is the true source of power. And I’m theirs. 
> 
> Also shoutout if you look there’s a small moment for Dreameater Riku. Not that I elaborate on how that works or why it happened. I just wanted it to whoops.

It was a moment where it didn’t matter if he was simply a friend or referred to as Master Riku. In this moment, he was Sora’s best friend who he was competitive with and grew up with. He was Riku who nearly fell into darkness in order to ensure that Sora would open his eyes once again to save the world. He was the Riku that strived to make every nightmare fear him.

So when he pushed Sora aggressively into the wall, it wasn’t in character in the slightest. It was fueled by frustration and agitation though, because Sora just never quite got it. Never quite understood how important he was and damnit, Riku thought his sacrifices meant so much. 

“Have you lost your mind?!” His voice didn’t get louder, but was instead a low growl. Sora didn’t flinch. Ocean eyes blinked and eventually squinted into a glare that matched Riku’s defiantly. 

“No. I’m doing what I have to do in order to make sure we win this, Master Riku.” The title was spat back in his face almost mocking and Riku huffed.

“You’re going to get yourself killed and then what will that accomplish, huh?” Sora made a ‘tch’ noise and turned his head away. Riku’s hand went up and caught his chin to level with him.

“You want to save the world again and again, but you don’t stop to even think how you making a sacrifice too much would hurt m---everyone.” He choked out the right word at the last second and Sora’s eyes rolled.

“It doesn’t matter anyway. I’m weak right? Dispensable? That’s why they send me on these missions to ‘find my lost power’ Riku. I haven’t ever been the hero, so let me just try doing what I at least can.” 

“Going into the realm of darkness without any aid isn’t exactly smart Sora.” 

“No one ever said I was.” The bite was harsh, and Riku realized Sora actually meant it and dread set in his stomach. Sora really thought people thought that little of him. A chuckle bloomed.

“Damnit do you have any idea how much we care for you?” 

“You all have a funny way of showing it sometimes.” Sora’s voice started to get quieter. His body language changed and he was suddenly leaning closer to the wall and closing in on himself. His face didn’t change though. Sora held on strong to his defiance just to hide anything from leaking out.

Did he really think Riku wouldn’t notice that though? He shook his head and let his arms drop and he leaned away from Sora. In response, his eyes blinked away the anger and it quickly turned into familiar confusion.

“What?” And Riku couldn’t do this, couldn’t stand here and have this argument with Sora because he knew it was going to either get too loud or too awkward. He pulled away and began to head for the training area.

“Sora, you don’t believe that…” He walked and nearly cringed at how loud the door creaked in Yen Sid’s castle, but he continued towards the training area where he knew Aqua would be waiting for him. Riku didn’t look back to see Sora’s reaction.

Later, he would hear the nagging finally get to him that he really should have.

\---

When the end happened, it happened in a blur and it felt like time had gone too fast and Sora’s body was rushing to keep up. He was greeted back with open arms, but he couldn’t happily come home without her. Not without Kairi. 

He had set out on his own mission that time. That too, happened in a blur that skirted by faster than he could blink. Images of sleeping worlds and a city with lights that were much too bright were embedded into his memory. He was thrown into a world where he had to play a game and, at the time, he truly didn’t know what he lost. His partner, Neku, guided him through the 7 days of avoiding Reapers’ in order to gain back what he lost. To his surprise, part of him had expected as much as his life being taken. He wasn’t aware of the entry fee though. 

Sora’s entry fee? His friendship ties. He had forgotten all of the emotion involved with Kairi and Riku. All about Goofy and Donald and how their world journey carried him into oblivion and back again. A journey that broke him apart and pieced him back together again. When it all came rushing back, a wave of grief, happiness, sadness, and more came with it. It was too much and his lunch from Ramen Don was promptly expelled onto the ground and on Neku’s shoes. To which, Neku looked away disgusted and muttered, “Gross”, but his eyes were alight because they had won. They earned back the right to live and Sora gained back friendship and the ability to bring her back.

After Shibuya, he went back home to Destiny Islands. Despite that, part of him felt constantly on edge. Sora couldn’t go back to simply going to school and doing the routine that had existed for him years prior. No, his wanderlust tried to carry him to the ends of the world once again, even though the horizon held no shadowed that threatened to swallow anything whole.

Maybe, the darkness had gotten to him. He was starting to sound a little too much like... 

Sora’s head was spinning terribly and colors seemed a little too bright. Still, he was determined to push all of that down so he could continue training. He always came out when the moon was high and the shoreline reflected back like a black and white picture. No one would see him out here at this hour. Always pushing, always working for more. Some part of him forgot the original reason he was doing this. It would all come soon enough though when the sun rose from a restless sleep. 

He almost saw it—saw the worst possible scenario behind his eyelids like a nightmare he almost couldn’t wake up from. Some part of his mind screamed that it was real, this happened. When he awoke with a start and snuck through the shrubs in front of Riku and Kairi’s house, they were both always sleeping in peace. 

Sora had to get stronger. He couldn’t let anything close to that ever become a reality. His body however, had other plans. He had broken out in a fever recently and sometimes he would hear Tidus’ antagonizing that he looked bad. Wakka would quip that Sora was overworking himself and that’s why he looks so down. They’d try to push him towards relaxing, but it only left Sora tapping his fingers across a surface or shaking his leg during school. He couldn’t sit still and he’d sneak out anyway.

Kairi always told him to do what his heart said, but Riku was different. Riku always looked at him with eyes that had murky emotions at best. He couldn’t tell what he was thinking, but Riku would shake his head and say ‘good luck’ and ‘do your best’.

Sora supposed that was better than the alternative. The patronizing comments and teasing his friends sometimes subjugated him to…

No. He couldn’t let his mind wander in that direction. He forced himself to focus on the reassuring weight of his Keyblade and thrust it forward toward the wind. His muscles clenched with exertion. Sweat dripped down his cold and clammy skin. There were some moments - moments like this - where Sora truly felt alive. Moments where he can taste the salt in the air and the adrenaline running through his veins, which made everything go to the forefront of his vision. Hyper focused. Everything in vivid technicolor.

It was a surprise when he heard the sand shift. Sora quickly aimed the Keyblade in the direction it was coming from, and silver gleamed and shifted in the wind. Riku once again had unclear emotions across his hard features.

“Do you always react by putting a weapon at a stranger?” His mouth curved at the edge and Sora’s breath was still trying to catch itself through pants. 

“Do you always sneak up on someone unannounced?” There was no bite in this retort.. Riku let a breathless laugh come out of him that sounded like more a huff of resignation. His eyes seemed otherworldly as they took in Sora, and he wasn’t exactly sure what Riku was looking at. Sizing him up? A familiar, warm smile came to his features. 

“Don’t tell me the mighty Master Riku feels threatened by me.” Riku’s eyes sparkled. 

“Never, you clumsy oaf. Your form when I walked up was lazy anyway.” Sora’s cheeks puffed.

“And how long were you looking to see that?”

“Long enough. Something on your mind?” There it was. Riku had been Sora’s friend for much too long that Sora can catch the subtle ways Riku would reach out unconventionally as a friend. It always made people think he was aloof growing up. Sora let his eyes fall away and he shrugged his shoulders. He began to turn away and crack his neck from muscle strain. A rush in his head made him hiss in a small breath and shake his head.

“ It’s nothing.” Sora let his Keyblade fade into nothing and his hand gripped into his palm instead. Riku hadn’t moved, but Sora still felt his presence and the weight of his gaze.

“Nothing to you or to others?” A loaded question.

“Riku why are you here?” Sora was covering his tracks and he knew it. Riku let it slide for the time being as he shuffled on his feet. His hands went into his too big pockets. 

“Couldn’t sleep.” He left it dangling there for Sora to fill in pieces. 

“Need something to take your mind off of it?” Sora didn’t elaborate past that. Riku shook his head.

“No, but thank you Mr. Lazy Form.” A flash of white in his smile made Sora scowl. Oh, that’s how its going to be. 

“Face it Riku, one day you’ll be scared.”

“I’ll let you know when that happens.”

It was then Sora’s world began to spin on itself. The water felt above him when he looked at the sky and felt the ripples almost reach him where the end of the horizon met the ground. Below him, the moon seemed oddly still and the black and white canvas was imperfect as it spun on itself. Somewhere in the picture, Sora swore he saw a flash of blue in concern, but his eyes fluttered and the last of the white in the portrait was snuffed out. The rest of the world filled with the noise of missing color.

\--

 

And so, as foretold, darkness prevailed, and light expired…

A scream was somewhere inside of Sora and he couldn’t get it out of him. His body, too tired and heavy was sluggish in its response. His mouth opened to try and release the fear and desperation under his skin, but instead his breath was coming in rapid succession. It wouldn’t come out and get out from him. It kept clawing away because it happened, it happened, he failed and watched them all get swallowed into nothing---.

Riku was in his view now, his eyes wide in fear, but his voice was cutting through the fog. Somewhere, Sora was trying to resurface and reassure Riku that it was okay, that he’s here and this is part of the burden Sora has to have as a result of everything. He wasn’t strong enough and this is how he pays the price, but he’s okay and he’d willingly do it again and again. His entry fee in Shibuya was proof of that, but then again, did Riku even know what Sora gave up momentarily?

Riku’s hands were on his shoulder and rubbing soft circles, another thing to focus on. Another thing to bring him back from the brink. Sora’s eyes must be playing tricks on him. Riku’s eyes were flashing between blue and purple, and the shadows behind him danced into different shapes. One moment, Riku looked like himself, the next…

The feeling was leaving him. The negativity was pulling away in an unfamiliar way and Sora was blinking away a haze. The washed out false memories were beginning to go back into his subconscious for another day. Riku’s jumping images were slowly just turning into only Riku and nothing more.

“Sora?” Riku’s voice wavered and that scared Sora even more than everything else.

“I’m okay.” It was said to fast and in a rush, he realized it didn’t sound sincere. He tried to let the familiar warmth show in his smile. Riku breathed in heavy through his nose to the point they almost flared.

“Do you...do you even realize how…” Riku ran his hands through his hair and took a shaky breath and Sora was confused, but that wasn’t new. What was he missing? He waited for Riku to gather himself.

“Do you even understand how much you frustrate me?!” Riku’s voice came hard and flat, like the crack of a whip striking a surface. 

“Why do you keep it all in? Why do you smile no matter what anyone else says? Why…” More frustrated body movements from Riku. Sora just kept watching, unsure how to answer. 

“Keep what in?” Riku snorted. 

“You know what. How much it--everything bothers you.” It sounded bitter. Sora opened his mouth to respond and Riku’s eyes squinted into a cold glare.

“No I know exactly what you’re going to say. Something about how it doesn’t really upset you or how you don’t want to burden people. I get it Sora.” Riku looked away and directed the malice elsewhere so Sora wouldn’t take the full heat. 

“I just wish you’d be honest with yourself.” Sora was surprised by how raw it sounded he bit his lip.

“But...it’ll be okay Riku.” 

“It’ll be okay when you work yourself to the point you collapse or worse?” Sora lifted an eyebrow. Riku ‘tched’. 

“How do you think your in my apartment, Mr. Lazy Form? You…” It trailed off and Riku’s face went even paler with a memory. Sora was beginning to form a picture of what exactly happened. 

“I collapsed.” Sora tumbled out. 

“Yes, and you’re also sick. Not that it’s important right?” Sora was beginning to feel the heat not from his head. 

“Riku…” Sora’s smile couldn’t fix this one and he knew it, so he left it hanging. The air began to smell of something cooking and a timer went off. Riku perked up and promptly left for the kitchen, leaving Sora to consider. Riku began to click off the stove and turn off the vents. 

“I really forgot something important didn’t I?” Sora was talking to himself, voice low and muttered. His head began to throb a second off of the beat of his heart. 

“Did you?” Riku was trying to get him to finish his thought because Sora could go many ways with them, as proven in the past. Riku shimmies around the kitchen and chose not to continue speaking. He was busy balancing the stovetop with the whistling teapot and didn’t think that his own brain could handle Sora’s scatterbrained thoughts on top of everything else on his shoulders.

“Do you think I’m an idiot?” Sora suddenly asked after a beat of silence, pulling his knees up to his chest in his chair. “I mean, seriously. Am I? Am I overthinking everything too much and just… worrying myself sick?”

Riku had frozen at the sudden, almost ridiculous question. In any other situation, he might have laughed, but Sora’s blank face made his heart hurt the tiniest bit. “No, I don’t think you’re an idiot,” he said, gently placing the steaming cup of tea in front of Sora. Riku leaned against the table and waited until Sora looked up to meet his gaze. “I think you’re a very kind person who tries too much to make everyone happy. And you do it so much that you get sick from the thought of someone being unhappy.”

“And that’s a bad thing?”

“No. Of course not.” Riku twiddled his thumbs, trying to think of the most delicate way that he could phrase this without hurting Sora’s feelings. Because he didn’t want to hurt Sora. Never. “It’s just… you spend so much time worrying about everyone else that you forget to worry about yourself. Or you don’t let others help you. It’s okay to be selfish sometimes, Sora. It’s okay to think of yourself for once. You don’t have to save everyone. Sometimes you just need to save yourself.”

“I...” Sora stared at Riku, as if unable to even fathom the idea of being able to ignore everyone else’s needs for his own. Selfishness was the whole thing that he was fighting against. “Selfish? You mean the one thing that Xehanort was? The one reason that this whole situation happened in the first place - why I… why I lost you and Kairi and everyone! Selfish!” Sora coughed, his throat rough with the way his voice kept rising in volume. “How could you ever ask me to be selfish?”

And finally, Riku is happy. Because Sora is angry, yes, but that was the whole point of this, wasn’t it? To get Sora to feel something that wasn’t unbridled joy and hope and happiness. To feel anger. To feel pain. Frustration. It was the only way that Riku knew that would put Sora on the path of healing.

Sora almost continues to speak and stands to help get his point, but almost immediately puts his hand to his head and sways in his spot.

“Okay, that’s enough.” Riku grabs Sora with a gentle though firm hand and guides him back into his seat. “You were getting somewhere, but I need to stop you before you make yourself pass out again.” He sighed. “Look, Sora. This is what I’m talking about. That feeling of frustration? How you immediately felt angry with me for saying you should be selfish? Sometimes, that’s exactly what you need. It’s okay to be selfish.”

Riku suddenly retracts his hand, letting them both fall limply at his side. Really, who was he to give advice on something that he overindulged in, something that nearly destroyed he and his friends beyond repair.

“Riku...” Sora laid a gentle hand on his arm, but didn’t say anything else.

“Look, Sora,” Riku shook his head, his floppy hair falling into his face, “my point is that it’s okay to think of yourself. If you don’t...who’s going to worry about you?”

And suddenly, Sora smiled. Riku knew the next sentence was going to be as graceful as any other thought Sora had. Which could only mean--

“You will, Riku.”

In response, Riku’s hand flew to the lukewarm tea and all but shoved it into Sora’s vision. Sora went cross-eyed trying to see the cup, but he still kept on smiling and staring at Riku as if he knew more than he let on.

Almost against his own control, Riku found himself giving a chuckle, too. Well, he supposed that progress was progress in any shape or form. Sora would get through this eventually whether he wanted to or not and Riku…

Well.

Riku would be there to guide him along the way.


End file.
